Identity Theft 3.0

the cosby show, season 3, episode 21: chronicle of a deception February 6, 2012

theo receives a package in the mail that he ordered from a magazine. it’s a product called “bag-o-gags,” a bag whose contents are designed to trick people. theo opens the bag and begins to explain its gags to rudy. there’s a fake ice cube with a fake fly in it, which is meant to be snuck into someone’s drink while they aren’t looking. “somebody will think there’s a real fly in there,” theo explains. “that’s not funny,” rudy replies. theo retorts that she’s too young to understand, then, after offering a sincere-sounding apology for belittling her, offers her a handshake. she doesn’t realize there’s a joy buzzer in his hand, and, after feeling the shock, squeals in surprise. he thinks he’s won her over to the idea, but she recovers her compusure after he shows her the device. “that wasn’t funny either.” unfazed, theo pulls a third item out of the bag: a pack of gum that tastes like dirt. rudy reacts with an exaggerated “ew,” but when two of them hear that vanessa is about to come downstairs, theo suggests that they use the gum on vanessa. “now that’s funny,” rudy says.

when theo had suggested that she was too young to understand any of the gags in the bag, he might have been right. she didn’t like them when she understood the nature of the deception, and she still didn’t like them when theo put her on the wrong end of a deception. but when it finally occurs to her that she could take pleasure in deceiving others, she joins theo’s side, going from conscientious objector to full accomplice in less time than it took for vanessa to descend the stairs.

getting vanessa to put the gum in her mouth requires two different types of dishonesty: theo and rudy both pretend that they are chewing and enjoying the gum they want vanessa to try, and in order to convince vanessa to try the gum, theo has to lie to her about how it tastes. “it’s a spearmint/peppermint type thing. and it’s sugarless.” he’s obviously making it up on the spot, but she isn’t wise enough to detect it.

vanessa reacts to the gum with predictable disgust. although her response is perfectly natural, theo and rudy erupt into laughter. feeling angry and ashamed, vanessa reveals her own immaturity by levying the charge of immaturity against them, but the charge doesn’t stick; it’s only a front. without being able to inspire guilt, vanessa fails to end the chain of deceptions. in any case, theo isn’t the type of man to let things end so early; he’s never been one to rest on his laurels. his soul is brave and in love with possibility. “where’s mom?” he wonders aloud. vanessa answers “in the kitchen” without thinking, and then recoils: “you’re not going to give her that gum, are you?” “no,” he answers, leaping off the couch. “i’ve got something better!”

with that, he ushers his sisters into the kitchen in order to launch a new offensive. he resorts to the joy buzzer again, and although the ruse he uses isn’t his most complex so far, it’s his most well-developed. the overture of flattery is sincere and subtle enough for him to avoid arousing his mother’s suspicion, and since theo offers his hand so quickly, clair doesn’t have enough time to realize how strange it is that her son wants to shake her hand while she’s preparing dinner. after the shock arrives, the kids all react with extreme delight, their satisfaction being heightened by the fact that the person they’ve deceived is their mother. after regaining her composure, clair responds with grace. “you got me good with that one.” clair huxtable is a woman of rare poise.

she uses her poise to conceal the shards of her former innocence. “let’s get your dad,” she suggests, knowing that she has a room full of willing accomplices willing to stand behind her. this deception should be the easiest to pull off, since so many people are united in the same intention. from a grown woman to a little child, all generations present in the huxtable household are united in the same iniquity. how could they possibly fail?

but they do. the first problem is that clair is a terrible liar. after calling cliff downstairs, she claims “i was just wondering if we should have fish for dinner.” besides being a flimsy excuse for calling her husband all the way downstairs, everything about her, from her slanted gaze to her posture, screams “i’m hiding something!” and you can tell by the way cliff glances back at the stairs and by the tone of detachment in his reply that he knows something is up. this is dramatic irony: the audience notices, but the kids don’t. in the next instant, when his children try to appear innocent while offering him some gum, you can tell that when it comes to body language, they might as well be illiterate.

so far, the episode has been patient enough in building up to this moment of irony, and instead of releasing the tension all at once, it follows through with the same patience. cliff doesn’t refuse the gum his children offer him, because even though the circumstances would prove his suspicions correct, such a response would be an affront to the gracefulness of the offer. clair has already given herself away, but his kids haven’t. he suspects his entire family is lying to him, and they are, but the only way for him to test his suspicions is to test the lie itself.

so he accepts the gum, but claims that he doesn’t want a whole stick. he tears it in half and offers the other half to his son. theo, who is not terrible at lying, only has to continue to pretend that he already has gum in his mouth. the only way cliff could continue to test him is by checking inside his mouth, which would be too weird. as cliff turns to rudy, she refuses the gum with a sense of involntary alarm. she is a little child, and to continue to test her would be too easy. vanessa merely claims to have had some gum earlier. her lack of committment to the lie leaves cliff nothing to exploit.

luckily, cliff knows he can count on his wife. she accepts the gum gratefully, then immediately puts it in her pocket. “aren’t you going to chew it, dear?” he asks her, being sufficiently convinced by her continued evasiveness (it’s not in her character to avoid eye contact with the man she loves) that he is finally justified in calling the family’s bluff. after extracting a confession from rudy, who’s all too eager to give herself away, he pronounces his sentence: “you all are the saddest bunch of sorry people i’ve ever seen in my life.” as he launches into a harangue, theo hangs his head. at first you think he’s ashamed at having been defeated by a male rival in his campaign of deception, but as he continues to walk around behind his father, loading the buzzer into his hand, you realize that he’s not yet ready to admit defeat. as he comes up to cliff and begins a feigned apology, you know what he’s going to do, but you don’t know whether it’s going to work. the speech sounds sincere enough, but since he has to end it with “put ‘er there” when he solicits the handshake, it’s only a matter of course for cliff to refuse the gesture and to turn his son’s hand over, revealing the buzzer. the audience erupts in applause, and the camera turns to a look of genuine astonishment on clair’s face. theo is defeated, and cliff continues to shame the whole lot of them. “this is sad. this is really sad. do you know, i had this stuff 39 years ago!” in true feminine fashion, claire asks cliff how he knew theo had the same gags. i say “in true feminine fashion” because, having reached adolescence, theo would never have asked that question, since the only possible answer is one that highlights the reality of defeat, rubbing salt in the wound. “i know all and i see all,” cliff says. it isn’t true, of course, but the preceding events have illustrated that that doesn’t matter. it’s up to the family to prove him wrong.